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The Unsecret as Not Seen on Oprah   by Douglas Ellsworth

Adventures in Synchronicity

It was the first day of the new 48-hour semester (twice a week at two hours a shot), and this time a few of my fellow functionaries in the government trade bureau who had signed up for a bit of TEFL fun were actually all of an advanced level. Nevertheless, I was thinking that some fundamentals were in order, so I gave these guys this.

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Compose a seven-sentence paragraph. Use only the simple sentence. Do not write any compound sentences, complex sentences or compound-complex sentences. Use only the number of words indicated per sentence. Controlling concept on the topic up to you.

Sentence #1 -- One subject and one verb (8 to 12 words).
Sentence #2 -- One subject and one verb (10 to 15 words).
Sentence #3 -- Begin the sentence with a participial phrase (12 to 16 words).
Sentence #4 -- Use two subjects and one verb (10 to 15 words).
Sentence #5 -- Use a gerund subject (8 to 12 words).
Sentence #6 -- Use one subject and two verbs (8 to 18 words).
Sentence #7 -- Use a gerund object (10 to 15 words).

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This was an in-class assignment for which I allowed one hour to work on it, collecting the results, which were mixed, at the end of this prescribed time. If I recall correctly, nobody got #7 right, some peeps using a gerund subject instead of an object while others began with a present participial phrase. A few folk did not quite make it all the way to that seventh sentence. But, no matter. This was intended first of all as merely an attempt to help them focus on word choice. The next step upon my returning their papers with rainbow-hued editing comments (WVT in red ink for Wrong Verb Tense, green ink for WF, or Wrong Word Form [instead of WWF because I don't want anyone to misconstrue that this is a wrestling class], blue ink indicating Agreement Problem, and the like). The whole point though was to introduce the importance of revision, and that a piece of writing is rarely finished after the first draft. Revision, revision, revision.

The next morning on my way into the bureau office, perusing the editorial section of the Taipei Times, which I purchase chiefly for a daily fix of Zippy the Pinhead (It's either that or Doonesbury in the Taiwan News. Yes, I decide which newspaper to buy based on my addiction to biting social and political satire or because of an affinity for the insightfully absurd as found in the world of syndicated comic strips.), I discovered an op-ed article by a university professor on the importance of revision over mechanics that is the bane of the Taiwan student when it comes to composition skills in the current global lingua franca. How timely. This article, after I manipulated a pre-reading vocab exercise out of its contents, became the focal fun for the next day's class. I give myself the pleasure of imagining that the students also appreciated its contemporariness, and try saying that word ten times really fast while eating popcorn and drinking Dr. Pepper. I mean, maybe it's not even a word. But so what.

And then there's this. About a week later, or maybe two. Same Zippy-friendly rag, once again on the opinion pages, an article on the cultural, lingual, political and financial divide that makes up, or more accurately, is tearing apart, the little kingdom known as Belgium, while engaged in my post-morning, noontime bowel-content release ritual. Methinks, "M______ might be interested in this." He is not only my "student" in the aforementioned class, but also my fellow functionary colleague in Section Two of the Bilateral Trade Department of said government trade bureau. Section Two deals in all bilateral trade and economic issues Taiwan has in North, Central and South America, Africa, Central Asia and Europe. M______'s English is already quite fluent, although he thinks otherwise, and his German is even better. And he is one smart cookie. So I guessed rightly that he would take kindly to what I had to offer on the Belgian update.

The next day he swings by my desk with a section from one of the local Chinese-print news editions the bureau subscribes to, and lo and behold, it features an article on the exact same info on Belgium by a different writer (in a different language, and no I haven't read it yet, not just in that I am "lazy" [I tend to think of myself as more of a hedonist than a lazy bum, assuaging my fragile ego, I suppose], but Chinese is after all not exactly easy, and I do most of my reading in English anyway even though I never did quite finish Ulysses.), giving me a sense that "something is going on".

This synchronistic something then entwined itself further in my skull software thusly. Check it out.

Being as how I am somewhat involved in the brouhaha of online viral networking, or whatever you want to call it, I am at the receiving end of a plethora of subscription newsletters. Joel Comm, Mike Filsaime, Janet Legere, Robert Puddy, et al, et cetera, et cetera, they all send me stuff, not all of which I always bother to read. Often it is just, delete, delete, delete. But a few months back, a subject line caught my eye, this guy saying in very strong terms that he was less than happy about something that is really wrong with the world. So I opened Jason Mangrum's email and found his words of disgruntlement and a link to a video. I viewed about ten minutes of it but then had to scoot, late for some appointment at the other end of a twenty-minute choo-choo ride along the rails through Taipei County into Taipei City. But what I did watch led me to speculate this video was concerned with the machinations of war-mongering fascists and that such nonsense cannot stand, a sentiment with which I wholeheartedly agree. I didn't get back to watching the entire two-hourishly long movie, and not because I spent that head space wondering if I will ever finish Ulysses, but more so because I am too goddamn busy. Oops. I mean "goldarn". Sorry.

Anyway, I began to take more note of the emails from Mr. Mangrum, and I came to find that we seem to share similar interests. I began to think that I would like to have more direct contact with him. These thoughts coalesced into an intent. About a week ago as of this writing (today being a Sunday, two days before the Harvest Moon), I was again reading Jason's newsletter, this one about an off-Broadway rock musical (see http://www.SaySomethingARockOpera.com) meant to lift awareness of alternatives to fossil fuels as a source of energy and a means to ending war once and for all and for the common good which his wife Skye is involved with, and I was totally absorbed with a feeling that I wanted a personal email to get through to him out of the hundreds I imagine he gets all the time.

With this scenario playing itself out within the nether regions of my mind, I turned my multi-tasking Net attention to a downline-builder, List Bandit, to see if my random referral list had recycled again so I could send out a marketing newsletter of my own for everyone on the list to ignore. Out of the around thirty or so marketing monkeys on the recycled three out of ten pages List Bandit provides for me a few times per week, at this moment in the time-space continuum, Jason Mangrum's name was in Position One on Page One.

He responded the following day after the immediate personal, non-marketing oriented email missive I fired off his way, enjoyed what I had to say, immediately responded again to my response to his initial response, and well, this pretty much brings us up to the present. In fact I am acting on his recommendation to write for ezines by writing this right now. How's all that for synchronicity!!

But wait, there's more. Two days ago (as of this writing), at the end of the afternoon, partaking my leave from the offices of the bureau and my duties as a translation editor and over-all language consultant, having to get across town to another establishment where I assume the role of TEFL facilitator twixt the hours of seven and nine on Frinites, preclass I was chatting with fellow foreigner, A_______, and I learned of A_______'s new idea to form a team of like-minded types to promote Taiwan's bid to enter the United Nations. That morning, plastered across the front page of the papers, was the announcement that Taiwan's fifteenth attempt had once again been rejected, although that news in itself didn't really have anything to do with A_______'s design. But where does he plan to do this? That's right, boys and girls, how astute of you.

In Belgium.

I then repaired to my classroom, said "Hey, you guys." to those in attendance, and opened the magazine article to the evening's lesson. The topic, to my delight and surprise? You got it.

The United Nations celebrates Global Peace Day.

Two hours later, A_______ and I are out of the sidewalk in front of the building where we had been "teaching", if you want to call in that, and I run through all of these seeming coincidences that I have just shared with you, kind reader. And towards the tail end of my, uh, tale, I suddenly remembered something that made me go "Whoah!"

At the beginning of the summer, at my friendly neighborhood video rental spot, I snagged the DVD-boxed set for Season One of "Prison Beak". Totally awesome stuff. My sometimes better-half and yours truly absolutely loved it and watched the entire season in a matter of only a few days. And then! A month ago or less, Season Two is on the shelf. Yippie-yay kai-yo (or however you spell that). We watched the first half in two days. Then my honey went off on a nine-day business trip to China; when she returned, we were back at it, finishing Season Two on Sunday the 16th of September. When younger brother Michael Scofield, portrayed by Wentworth Miller, walks into the Panamanian hellhole at the end of the final episode, I couldn't contain my enthusiasm, and chanting "There must be a Season Three, there must be a Season Three, there must be a Season Three, Lions and Tigers and Bears!!", I googled up "Prison Break, Season Three". The result? How did you know? You are so smart!

Season Three of "Prison Break" to air States-side on the evening of September 17th.

And these tidbits are just a sampling of my most recent adventures in synchronicity.

Imagination -- Visualization -- Intention -- Relaxation -- Manifestation

As a matter of fact, now that I think of it, it is a pretty much the same thing as Chaos Magic, isn't it? Hmmm. And it was A_______, by the way, who had originally clued me into "Prison Break" as well worth watching. Okay, enough for now. Over and out.

About the Author

(May I speak about myself in the third person? No? Well, I'm going to do it anyway.) Douglas Ellsworth is a long-time expat Oregonian residing in Taiwan where he finds gainful employment as a translation editor and language consultant at the Bureau of Foreign Trade under the Ministry of Economic Affairs of the central ROC government. An expression of his online interests can be found at http://www.chaoschasm.ws.

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